It's Yachiru's Fault
by Lowly Sixth Squad Captain
Summary: A small mistake on Yachiru's part leads to a strange love between two unsuspecting characters, all while revealing secret loves that others have for each other... good job Yachiru....
1. 1 How it Began

_Author's Note:_

So yeah... One random day, a friend of mine told me about this weird and random pairing that she thought I would be hillarious.

Kenpachi and Hanataro...

So then I thought to myself _Hmm... Maybe I should write a story to explain this pairing..._

So, I am. This is my first story, so it may not be perfect...

* * *

_Rumble Rumble Rumble Rumble…_

"W-What?"

_Rumble Rumble Rumble RUMBLE_

"What the heck?"

**RUMBLE RUMBLE RU-**

"**TAICHO!**"

That was the last straw… He couldn't take any more noise. His face twitched at the mere thought of seeing that fruitcake and cue ball all over each other again. His eyes slowly peaked open, only to see the fuzzy outlines of the peacock and the bowling ball hovering above him, their faces plastered with an evil grin.

"Fwaaah…" Kenpachi yawned. "What do you two freaks want now? You should know that after lunch on Saturdays I take my nap with Yachiru! Now SHUT UP!"

The tiny puff-ball that was curled up by Kenpachi's feet began to wiggle. Ikkaku slowly began to back up; He knew what was coming… It was always him… Suddenly the girl leaped into the air, teeth at the ready, eyes flaming; CHOMP

"**AAAAAAAAAAH! Get it OFF me! Get it off! GET IT OFF!"**Ikkaku shrieked.

Yumichika, still leaning against the doorway with his arms folded in front of him, chuckled. "Ah, my dear Ikkaku, how that pink monstrosity of a shinigami that is attached to your scalp greatly complements your makeup," he giggled.

Kenpachi just stared. Not just because Yumichika made possibly the fruitiest comment of the day, but the fact that Yachiru was still attached to Ikkaku's head. She doesn't usually stay on this long…

"Hey, Yachiru… You're, uh… gonna let go, right?" he questioned.

"Muflgugh flagah bregah" She said, staring at Kenpachi.

"Oh…Okay…"

"You understood what she said? Wow… weird… " Yumichika mumbled.

"She said her teeth are lodged into Ikkaku's skull," Kenpachi translated.

"Oh… Hey, Ikkaku, you okay?"

At this point, blood began flowing steadily down Ikkaku's head, covering his entire face; It looked as though he were a soldier whom recently returned from a gruesome battle. Yachiru's face began to turn pale; She never liked the taste of blood.

"**Can we get her off my freakin' head now?"**Ikkaku screamed.

"Ugh… Let's take you to the 4th squad. They should be able to fix this there. And I'm doing this for Yachiru, not you, Ikkaku," Kenpachi stated.

Slowly fallowing behind, Yumichica began to think to himself:

_Ugh… Why does Taicho pay so much attention to that puff-ball? I mean come on, how can you not resist this? My feathery light hair, beautiful skin, and dashing eyes… Come ON! Everyone loves me…_

"You coming Yumichika?" asked Ikkaku.

"Yea-uh.. Yeah…"

The group stalked around Soul Society for about an hour.

"Uh.. Taicho? You still have no sense of direction, do you?" Ikkaku questioned.

"Oh shut up…" he responded while smacking Ikkaku's arm.

_Why doesn't he act that cool with me?_Yumichika whined to himself.

Suddenly, Kenpachi stopped and turned towards Yachiru, still hanging off Ikkaku's bald head. He then grabs her by her ankles and begins to pull.

"**Aaaah….**" Ikkaku begins, but no sound truly comes out due to the severe pain he was in.

She wasn't budging. She was truly stuck. Then, Kenpachi hatched an idea. He lifted his leg up and plastered it onto Ikkaku's chest. He then pushed with on his foot, using the extra leverage to pull Yachiru even harder. She shifted. He began to pull even harder.

"Hey, Yumichika… Grab Ikkaku's arm for me and on the count of three, pull like hell, okay?" Kenpachi asked.

"Okay!" Yumichica smiled. _Aah! He asked me to do something!_

He ran over and grasped Ikkaku's hand and held it tight.

"Ready? 3… 2… 1… Pull!"

They both pull with their full might. Ikkaku begins to scream like a little girl. This causes Yachiru to laugh. She starts with a low giggle, which grows to a loud hysterical laugh. While laughing, her mouth opens up just wide enough for her teeth to unlatch from Ikkaku's scalp.

"Aah… Oh my goodness… **YES**! It feels SOOO good!" Ikkaku yells at the top of his lungs.

Yumichika stares at him. Then Kenpahi. Then Yachiru. He looks around, embarrassed, realizing what he's just yelled aloud.

_HA! That's great… Helloooooooooo Blackmail _Yumichica thought.

"Oh shut up Yumichika... I know what you're thinking," Ikkaku said while staring intently at him.

"_Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat..._ I didn't do anything..."

"Oh yes you did... You thought it!"

"NO!"

"Getoverhere..." Ikkaku mumbled while grabbing Yumichika's orange collar.

He began to squirm. "NoOooOo! Let me GO! You're stretching the fabric!"

**CENSORED**

Yumichika began to pick himself up off the ground, his arms wobbling under his weight.

"Oh wow... It's a good thing we were on our way to the 4th squad... It looks like you need it," Kenpachi growled at the man trying not to lose his consciousness.

_Ahhhhhhhhhh~ X3 He cares about me!_

Kenpachi grabbed Yumichika's leg and began to drag him along the ground. He continued this for the entire trip to the 4th squad, which they eventually reached, no thanks to Kenpachi's "sense of direction"...

* * *

OMG! I finally finished a chapter

:D

I'm sorry Its taken me so long to write this DX

I'm not a big writer, I'm more of a _visual_ artist...

I promised myself I'd finish this story someday!

Next chapter: TBA


	2. 2 How They Met

OMG AN UPDATE?

Yes, I'm alive…

And apparently people actually read this story….

Why?

Back by popular demand

I give you: Chapter 2

* * *

Kenpachi dragged the fruity male in through the doors of Squad 4's Headquarters, where a small, shivering boy sat behind a rather large desk.

"I, uh… Can I uh, help you?" his voice quivered.

"**YEAH! THIS FLIPPIN' PUFF BALL HERE NEARLY TOAR MY SCALP OFF!**" The bald man screamed while leaning over the desk and pointing at Yachiru.

"Oh my…. Well, if you would follow me…" he motioned to a door which lead to a long, dark hallway.

"Oi, wait…" Kenpachi called to the small boy before he walked away. The boy glanced over at the large, muscular man, and froze. Their eyes met for a slight second. The boy turned slightly pink.

"ah.. uh.. yes?" he stuttered, breaking the stare.

"This… thing… right here," He lifted Yumichika up by the collar, "needs some help too…"

"Ah… um… okay.. he can follow me too…."

Kenpachi flung the peacock towards the small boy. He landed with a loud thud at the boy's feet. He stumbled back in surprise, not expecting the large man to actually _throw_ the guy to him.

"A-are you okay?" the boy asked Yumichika, who was sprawled out on the ground with a look of pure misery on his face. He moaned in response.

_I'm okay… This is just his way of showing affection… I know he cares… I know he cares…_

The boy helped Yumichika up off the ground, and lead both him and Ikkaku down the hall and disappeared into a room.

"HEY NOW, I CALLED THE LEFT BED!"

"NU-UH NO YOU DIDN'T! I DID!"

"SAID WHO?"

"SAID ME!"

"AW HEEEELL NAW!"

"H-hey guys… stop fighting… you're going to hurt each other… or worse me…"

Kenpachi dashed into the room after hearing that little voice, not wanting to see the small boy get injured in the passionate fight that was going to erupt between the two fruits. Bam. It happened like that. He was down on the floor, the boy was under him.

_Thump-thump_

_Thump-thump_

The two stared at each other, the boy turning pink in the face. Kenpachi stares into the boy's eyes.

"Uh… hey kid, what's your name?"

"H- Hanatarō…"

* * *

YES I AM ALIVE

Sorry its so short XP

More coming soon!


	3. 3 Cherry Blossoms

Because I just had knee surgery, I've had some extra time on my hands to write another chapter :D

I still don't get why you people read this...

But in honor of my upcoming trip to Anime Los Angeles I give you:

CHAPTER 3~

_

* * *

_

The boy glared into the man's eyes.

The man back at him.

Suddenly, Yachiru jumped onto Kenpachi's back, squishing Hanatarō. The boy screamed.

Yachiru climbed onto Kenpachi's head and asks, "Ken-chan, why is your face so red? Why is his face red? Are you okay? Do you have any food? I'm hungry! Baldy and Peacock have gone missing. Why were you two staring at each other? Do yo-"

Kenpachi covered her mouth.

"Why don't you go over to Byakuya's house and steal his fish like you always do? I heard he got some new fish."

Yachiru smiles. "Okay!"

She skips out the door singing _la la la~_

Then the room was silent. Kenpachi was still laying on top of the boy, and the dynamic duo were no longer around. They were there. Alone.

"Well, I should go find the two doorknobs before they bleed to death…" Kenpachi whispered.

"G-good idea…" Hanatarō responded.

Kenpachi stood up, then helped Hanatarō up off the ground. The two stood there, their hands still clasped together. Hanatarō moved in closer to Kenpachi, and placed his hand on his chest.

"D-do we have to go find them now? Their injuries weren't that bad… they could survive…"

Kenpachi's face turned pink.

_This boy… He's so delicate… So graceful… B-but I'm a MAN! I shouldn't feel this way… I should like boobs! Not boys! But still… He almost looks like a woman… _

Kenpachi's hand grazed Hanatarō's face, brushing his long hair out of the way. The boy shuttered; his eyes closed. The man wrapped his arm around the boy and held him close. He bent over and smelled the boy's hair. Cherry blossoms.

The two embraced each other for a while, thoughts of confusion and lust went through their minds.

Then, Kenpachi kneels to view the boy at his level. He wanted to stare into his eyes.

He leans in, and slowly grazes his lips against the boy's, testing to see his reaction. He does not react.

The boy's eyes close and he begins to lean in. Kenpachi does the same. The two's lips meet in harmony, electrifying both recipients.

The two hold each other with their lips locked together.

A tear runs down the boy's face.


End file.
